I didn’t write anything yesterday, so I am going to write two posts today. It’s not that I didn’t think of it; I did think of it, I was too lazy to do it. I hate this lazy streak I have in me, trying to fuck off from work when things get overwhelming. It really isn’t laziness at its base. At its base is just confusion as thoughts and feelings bottle up and cloud my mind. Somethimes the only defense I have against the craziness of life is to disconnect.

Disconnecting is a big thing with me. Even the way I dealt with divorce mediation - threatening to simply withdraw from the mediation if certain of my needs were not met. Valerie triggers me like that sometimes. She crowds in, demanding an answer to something or other, and doesn’t seem to realize or care that she is trampling on my sense of pride every time she does that. Being separated has only slowed down her tempo as an inquisitor. I still get it from time to time.

Valerie’s big thing recently is to tell people that she is coming to terms with the fact that she has no control over what happens in my house. Well of course she has no fucking control over what goes on in my house. The real question is how did she come to believe that she should exert some control over my house?

To be continued…