I had breakfast a while ago and now I am sitting in the day room (the cafeteria) reading and writing until they serve lunch at 12:00. I really need another cup of coffee, but I don’t want to miss lunch. The meals here are small, but they are free. I can’t afford to pass by a free meal, no matter how unsatisfying the meal may be. In fact, I think in a while I will walk to Dunkin Donuts to get a bagel and some coffee. The question is whether I should do this before or after lunch.

I have been reading a lot about the Haitian Revolution lately. An interesting episode in history, for sure. What would be really cool for a homeless-bound reading project, though, would be to re-read all or most of the Major Works books I had to read in grad school. If only I had the strength to carry around all those fucking books; I have just a few with me as it is, and the weight of those and my clothes nearly breaks my shoulders. I haven’t been issued a bed yet, so I don’t have a place to store anything during the day.

But Major Works…that was a fucking mind-bending reading project. The only drag of it was that, given the time constraints, I had to skim most of the books, only reading closely for each book’s thesis and major points of interest. Still, seventy-something books over three semesters is a real mind expanding project - fuck psychedelic drugs. I wish I could do the whole thing over again, to tell the truth. Truly one of the best intellectual experiences of my life. That and writing the dissertation, of course.

The Springfield Public Library is an ok library I guess. I got spoiled by the UMass library system. There really wasn’t anything I needed for my dissertation that I couldn’t get through the library, either drawing from within the Five Colleges system or through inter-library loan. I miss being able to read across materials, mining bibliographies and getting my notes together. So much of academic writing is about reading widely and following the varied, rhysomic (sp?) paths of ideas. I miss being able to dream away like that.

All I really need is a good teaching gig at a place with a decent research library. It doesn’t need to be an Ivy League school, just some place I can stretch myself a bit. I really wish I had gotten that teaching gig at Oneonta last year - that place seemed like it could be fun. Ah well, if it clicks it clicks, if it doesn’t, c’est la vie. I just need someone to see me and believe in me.

The same goes with life. I need any kind of job, at this point, and I need it now. I need to get myself out of this shelter and get moving forward. I need a break.

500 words, or thereabouts.