I know it’s a cliche, but divorce sucks. I feel like I’m getting raked over the coals by the woman who used to say she loved me. Now the issue is that she has hired a lawyer to go over the divorce mediation agreement, and I can’t afford to hire a lawyer to watch over my interests. I feel like I’m being fucked over yet again because I am without resources. Every time I think of VJ now I feel the word bitch bubbling up from below. I can’t help but think that this is going to suck even worse as it goes along - the real hurt hasn’t arrived yet.

Let me change the subject. Divorce is sucking the life out of me. I’d rather write about writing or coding. Coding is one of those things that I understand on a micro level, but I don’t yet have a full grasp of the macro. I need to make a long-term commitment to learning JavaScript, but it has been so difficult it is becoming frustrating. I think for a while I might put it aside and concentrate a bit on Python. It’s supposed to be a simpler language to learn. Simplicity would help, but I also need to figure out how Python is used in creating interactive websites. If I can’t ultimately do something creative with it then it is of no use to me. I’ve begun to get a grasp on jQuery, so I can continue to fiddle with that, but I have a feeling that jQuery has its limits. HTML and CSS are easy to understand, though I have a feeling that CSS is much more complex than I have grasped yet. But it’s the interactive part of creating websites that I need to work on the most.

Also, with regard to my writing, it is the production of pages that I need to work on - and I am doing so. This freewriting blog has me at the keyboard every day, pumping out text that could be revised if I wanted to. But again, revision is not really my plan just now. I’ve finally become comfortable to the 500-600 word post size, but I need to become even more comfortable. Ultimately, it would be cool if I could produce 800-1000 words a day, and then revise. That would really drive my writing along.

But it’s more than just text length that I need to pay attention to. I need to be able to fully revise my writing, not just change a few things and fix typos. I have found that I tend to repeat myself in this blog - or rather, to put it in a more positive way, I return to the same themes from post to post. What would be good at some point is if I can combine a bunch of posts into one larger text, tossing out redundancy and expanding on what I have. Several rounds of revision are needed, though, yet again, I am more concerned just now with producing text. I don’t care so much just now if I even re-read what I have written. So far I am just writing and moving on.

This really needs to be an early morning writing practice. I need to get myself up early, pump out some text, and move on with my day. One of the things I like the most about this blog is that I don’t care about what I have written: I write, post it, and then move on. I have a feeling that this is the best first step in the writing process for me, leaving the revision to some time in the future. Daily freewriting is actually liberating when I think about it this way. It does mean, though, that at some point I will need to take on the monumental task of printing out and revising all this shit. I’m already nearly at 100 posts. Of course, many of these posts can just be tossed, but a number of them may be useful. In any event, this is a project for some time in the future.