I’m new to being homeless, so a guy I met, Mark, has been showing me how to get free stuff in Springfield. This morning we went to a free breakfast down by the river, and then we went to the casino where they have 24/7 bathrooms and free coffee. I had never been in the casino before, and I was surprised to find so many people gambling at 8:00 in the morning. I guess there is reason to worry that gambling might become addictive for some people; it’s not attractive to me at all, but I can see how some people might be drawn to it.

In any event, there was the coffee, as free as could be. I suppose it was there to keep people up and gambling, but there was nobody to tell us we couldn’t have any. It’s good to find out what’s free and available in the area, in any event. It makes me feel as if I’m finally getting to know my city.

And Springfield is a city, for sure, though I suppose it is quite small compared to Boston or New York. But compared to where I came from - Hopkinton, NH - it’s definitely a big city. I’m still a country kid at heart, but I do like having things available within walking distance. The only thing I will never get used to is people nodding off in the middle of the floor, presumably after having shot up in the bathroom. It doesn’t freak me out, I just find it annoying. Junkies don’t mess around with me as long as I don’t leave my stuff lying around where it can get ripped off.

So far I have been impressed with how polite most people are with each other, though I suppose it shouldn’t be so surprising. We’re all in the same predicament - we’re all homeless. I guess I just expected a tougher attitude from people. Some people do seem to front a bit when it comes down to it, but I just stay away from them.

What really gets me, though, is that I am not welcome among my family. Nobody can put me up. I suppose I should just suck it up, but I have this awful feeling in the back of my mind that nobody in my family truly stepped up when I was in need. I’m not sure I want to go visit with the family when August comes around; I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable…or that I’ll be welcome. Let’s just see how I feel when the time comes around. Zanaya wants to go to mom’s house for the week - everyone in the family usually goes - but if I go I’ll lose my place here in the shelter, and I’ll be back on the floor again. It doesn’t matter much to me now since I’m still on the floor (albeit in the kitchen with a sleeping pad), but I suspect that I’ll be in a bed pretty soon. I’ve been told that when the social security payments are distributed this week people will start moving out of the shelter for the temporary pleasure of the local hotels; a bit short sighted if you ask me. But if it gets me a bed I’ll be happy.

Almost 600 words at this point. Time to pack it up and head for Dunkin Donuts so I can use the internet. I’ll write another post and then upload these files.